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- Just Married
- Cancer free
- New Job: Educator
- Establishing a hobby studio soon.

- Happyness
  • Mood: Love
  • Drinking: Champagne
The last Journal I wrote is over a year ago. Honestly, I dont know where to start from the last one I wrote at my 23rd birhtday. This year was in fact the worst that I had in my entire life. I wrote that I would start feeling old and when I think about it now I must have known that deep inside me was something wrong.

When I got my Cancer diagnosis a little later, my first thought was...
Ok, now its over! Its fucking over. Pack your shit, get in your car and drive up to the northsea wating for things to come. Gladfully I decided to talk to my better half and family who were the reason I decided to stay and fight against everything that was supposed to come.
Time went slow...
I had surgery, chemo therapy and alot of time to think about my life.
The 7 stages of grief took on me:
1) Shock and denial
2) Pain and guilt
3) Anger and bargaining
4) Depression, reflection and loneliness
5) The upward turn
6) Reconstruction and working through
7) Acceptance and hope

I wont talk about the shit in all specificity. That doesnt belong here I guess.

If I havent had someone at my side helping me to get through this I think I wouldnt be here anymore. Thank god I have Tina, my mom, my brother and all of my friends who visited me in hospital, asking if Im well, helping me not to forget that there is something in life to fight for.
Today Im still dealing with depression but there are moments I really feel happy to be here, seeing alot of nice comments for my work I did before.
Im talking about you deviantart members aswell.
I currently have about 1250 notices in my inbox of people who faved my work or wrote nice comments (And those are just from the last few months).

Even though I lost my job because I wasnt able to come up with the proper passion for it I still feel that I have to go on.
Getting back into my own work is very hard of course.
At the moment I dont know where to start. Its quite complicated.
Its like sitting in front of a white canvas and not having a vision of what to put on it. Everything that moved me before has been replaced by other feelings Im still having problems to sort out.
I need time. Time I think I dont have cause I learned that life is way too short to sit around and wait for something to happen.
But Im facing that I need that time to get back on track.

Maybe some of you are up for a chat or something. It helps talking about it...
Also Im playing alot of Modern Warfare 2 and Battlefield Bad Company 2 on my ps3. Give me your User ID if your up for a little fight ;)

So, I just wrote this journal quickly to get back to the people having an eye on me around here. Its not easy for me to write not in my mother tongue so forgive me any mistakes I made or things I probably left out haha.
Its too much to write it all down. If there is something you want to know just ask me about it. I dont have any fear to talk about it. No question is any wrong..


Peace,
Kai
  • Mood: Triumph
  • Listening to: Elliott Smith
  • Reading: Hesse
  • Watching: Planet Earth HD
  • Playing: BFBC2 and COD MW2 on ps3
oh well,

Time flies by...
starting to feel old.
  • Mood: Relief
  • Listening to: Aarctica
  • Reading: Michel Houellebecq - "Die Möglichkeit ei
  • Mood: Content
  • Listening to: Telepopmusik - Dont look back
  • Reading: Michel Houellebecq- Elementarteilchen
  • Watching: http://optik24plus.de/popup_image.php/pID/21083
  • Playing: Tina...
  • Eating: Diet...
  • Drinking: Coffee...
Get some goodies for your Phone here:

www.dropmobile.com/kaiisselhor…
afaik Its for free! :)
---------------------------------------

Check out www.dopaminart.com
I redid the site with help from my friend Gabor Tomasi.
I decided to make it a little easier to browse and things.
Hope you enjoy the outcome. :)
---------------------------------------

How have you all been?
Normally Im quite introverted, but im up for a little smalltalk lately :)


<3

Kai
Yep. I did it for the purpose of my job applications. :)

I´d appreciate a visit:

www.dopaminart.com


<3

Kai
  • Mood: Wow!
  • Listening to: Clueso - So sehr dabei
  • Drinking: Coffee...
Well...

Heres the latest interview with me:

ezine.whoredcanvas.net/?p=22

Check it out if your interested :)


-----------------------------------

And again, thanks for the help I got through my last journal! I really appreciate people tend to help if necessary.



<3

Kai
  • Mood: Wow!
  • Listening to: Clueso - So sehr dabei
  • Drinking: Coffee...
I dont want anybody to give me job perspectives or something like that. Its a more or less simple question Im asking...

I had a big research about what fonts to use for my new portfolio. Id like to have a mixture of sans-serif and roman type but Im very unsatisfied because nothing seems to work properly.
Everytime I work on branding stuff I have no problem with that, but its so difficult if its for yourself.
I´d appreciate every hint you can give me. :)
This time my folio wont contain just illustrations, there will be some editorial, Photography, Motionstills etc in there.
I NEED a professional clean look..


All this is very very important to me because I recently made the decision not to go to university anymore. I didnt feel very satisfied there so I just began to overhaul my portfolio for the jobhunt. :)
Would like to get as much experience as possible as long as Im young and Uni is more like hanging around and do party all the time.
Also, other projects like riskshift labs need to take a backseat for a moment. Heiko is fulltime employed now and theres little time for both of us to set all this up. Were pretty sure to get it finished sometime though.
Its just a matter of time now...


I hope to get some response this way.


<3

Kai
  • Mood: Wow!
  • Listening to: Clueso - So sehr dabei
  • Drinking: Coffee...

OH MY GOD!!!

Thu May 1, 2008, 3:19 PM
Its my birthday...
22 sounds cool :)



  • Mood: Wow!
I normally hate these kind of shameless self- portrayal journals, cause I cant believe that anyone is interested anyway but today I dont give shit! :)

So I contributed to the newwebpick connection Issue about Germany with some pages inside and I gave my Energetic piece to be the cover.
The mag turned out pretty good so I recommend to download it for free!!!! ;)

Also I gave a little interview here:
psysoul.hu/v6/orange/index.php…

Risk Shift is in work and to be showcased very soon. I know (!), people will like it.
I just mention this to throw a little appetizer over to you (again). ;)

Beside all that stuff:
ITS CHRISTMAS TIME! :D
My gf and me got our christmas tree a few days ago and Im proud that its as big as the height of our living room.
I feel pretty good looking at it.
Hopefully santa throws alot of nice gifts underneath it :)
What do you wish to get?


Hope your all fine!

Kai
  • Mood: Love
  • Listening to: Sigur ròs
  • Watching: Itchi the killer (Uncut) O_o
Soon... :)
  • Mood: Love
  • Listening to: Sigur ròs
  • Watching: Gilbert Grape
  • Mood: Love
  • Listening to: converge
  • Reading: nothing but comments. :/
  • Watching: matrix trilogy (again)
  • Playing: -
  • Eating: STEAK! :D
  • Drinking: Bügelwasser...
Its a looooong time ago since I wrote the last journal.
So here is one!
Of course its pretty useless but I dont care. :)
Any news to share? I got nothing myself. :P


Kai...
----------------------------------------------------------------------

MY PORTFOLIO IS FINISHED. Take a look here: www.dopaminart.com

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Desktopography:

Wow. This release is the best ever.
It contains over 40 submissions so everyone around will find the one fitting to his desktop!
I recommend the "Reptilia" wallpaper ;P

UPDATE: Got an DD and Im as proud as the first time I got one for "The traveller".
Thanks to archanN and Zilla for suggesting and featuring this wallpaper.

Take a look here and find LOTS of stunning desktops: [link]

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Depthcore:


DEPTHCORE RELEASES ITS NEW PACK CALLED "A SERIES OF UNTITLED DREAMS"
Havent contributed this time which Im a bit sad of, but get over and check out this release.
Its surely the strongest ever with lots of work that impressed me during the last months! :)

www.dephtcore.com
www.depthcore.com
www.dephtcore.com
www.depthcore.com
www.dephtcore.com
www.depthcore.com

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Daily Deviant:

I have been chosen to be the Daily deviant for the 24th.
Thanks for that!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------




I think this is the most messed up journal I´ve ever wrote ^^
Should be enough for now.
Thanks for your time!


<3



Kai :)
  • Mood: Love
  • Listening to: Fear my thoughts
  • Reading: DTP Druckreif. :/
  • Watching: V wie Vendetta
  • Eating: Salad
  • Drinking: Milk

Dc releases "A trip to elsewhere"

Sat Jan 13, 2007, 1:38 AM
www.depthcore.com/
www.depthcore.com/
www.depthcore.com/
www.depthcore.com/
www.depthcore.com/
www.depthcore.com/

This pack turned out pretty good as I think!
Made two pieces for it, and they are worth checking out!

later!

Kai :)

  • Mood: Joy
  • Listening to: All that remains
  • Reading: some books about Corporate Identity
  • Watching: Dear Wendy
Hours awake: 27.
Status: Still counting.

When does all this shit end?
Would like to make some art for myself again.
Hopefully around christmas. Got some free days around that time. :)

BTW: CHRISTMAS!

Send me some hugs, or wishes, or photos of your naked butt! Do anything. I´ll be happy, cause It seems like I´ll be alone this year.
At this point I´d like to quote a German saying:
No cock is as hard as life....

BTW: I JUST NOTICED IM A SUBSCRIBER AGAIN! SO PLEASE TELL ME IF YOU BOUGHT ME THAT COOL X-MAS PRESENT SO I CAN START KISSING YOUR BUTT FOR THE REST OF THE DAY!

LOVE,

KAI
  • Mood: Nervous
  • Listening to: Enter Shikari - sorry your not a winner!
  • Reading: some books about Corporate Identity
  • Watching: Mr. and mrs. smith
  • Mood: Optimism
  • Listening to: Atreyu - The Theft
  • Reading: some books about Corporate Identity
  • Watching: High Tension
  • Playing: CS Source
  • Eating: nothing. Im broke :/
  • Drinking: Beer
HI! :)

How have you all been? Tell me everything. Im curious! :D

what happened here in the meantime?
So much going on at the moment. Got an contract to work for an agency ($$$$$$$$).
Doing alot of work for the Uni too. I have to work on different projects, and I still havent too much ideas of what to do. :P
But the good thing is that I am totally free of what to do for it.
Themes for one workshop are:

Wonder, Boredom (These two are free topics) and a project that really bothers me:
I have to create any fitment with material from an hardware store!
It has to cost less than 20 Euro + less than 4 materials have to be used.

So If you have any Ideas popping up with let me know! :P
Still wondering what that has to do with communication design, but well, it has to be done! ffs!

The project im working on at the moment is called mass delusion.
I´ll do an animation for this. Already made storyboards and modeled an character in Zbrush. Im setting up the Animation in Cinema 4d now. =)
Not as easy as I might thought first!


Anyway:

Again, I forgot to submit some pics I made for Depthcore! *DOH*
Too much other things in my head for now.

Please spend some comments and favs. I could need some back up now. Dont want to get that feeling that all of the work I do is useless you know? :P
Ill try to answer everything I get. ;)

Thanks!


<3


Kai
Hey people. =)

As some of you might already know: Depthcore is back online with some supercool new features!
+ I have some ubersweet submissions you should take a look at. :P :P :P

Go to:
www.depthcore.com



ALSO:
Im updating my new Folio!
Check www.dopaminart.com
Some projects havent been added, and a musicplayer will be added tomorrow.
I will Play a really cool Track by my mate Jesar. =)
Probably something from another mates Band, called "sheynao" will follow soon.


Peace!


Kai
  • Listening to: Killswitch Engage. THAT ROCKS!
  • Reading: After effects 6.5
  • Watching: memento
Hello People!

I have had some personal problems during the last weeks, but Im getting back to my everyday life.
I felt like I would have never been able to feel happy again.
Im Ok now. My flat is cleaned up. Im not drunk the whole day. Im able to get outside to take some fresh breath of air.
Some day I will fall in love again.


Now. A new chapter begins.
Today I started to study communication design in Krefeld/Germany.
Im looking forward to learn new things and meet interesting people. Especially women. ;)
I cant wait to get access to all of that Stuff Im allowed to use from now on.
That huge CAD Laboratory to run Cinema 4d on multiple computers. Or the Photostudio and so on.
IM EXCITED.


I cant wait to get to work.
Cant wait to get my life back!





See you soon,


Kai

````````

Mon Aug 28, 2006, 5:20 AM
Made a new avatar. Thats all I was able to do since I got this bad cold.
And I never thought it would happen that I have problems staying awake while sitting in front of my PC.
Im thinking about warm places. Sunshine. And a nose thats able to take a dash of seeair.
Everything around me seems to loose its endure.

Perhaps IŽll feel better tomorrow?



  • Mood: Mortified
  • Listening to: Meshuggah- I
  • Reading: After effects 6.5
  • Watching: memento
All your efforts have paid off, and we earned $954.33 for the new server and depthCORE itself.

Your donations have not gone unappreciated. Thank you all, please read +ekud's journal for more information.
  • Mood:
  • Listening to: Meshuggah- I
  • Reading: After effects 6.5
  • Watching: memento

I´ll be back soon :)

Fri Aug 18, 2006, 3:55 AM
Hello everybody. :)
Havent seen much from me lately?
But that doesnt mean I dont do anything!
Heres my current to do list:

1.) Uni starts in september. Im so excited but Theres still some paper warfare etc.

2.) Started doing some Freelance Jobs. (Not that well paid, but anyway they are)

3.) Working on my new portfolio which I will release soon. Hard to believe I finally did a layout I      like! (Btw.: I need some cool music to play in the background ^^)

4.) Working on submissions for Oxy and DC. Im very satisfied with what I have so far.

5.) Getting more into motion graphics! uuuh, it still needs some time till I´ll show something.

6.) I think I can handle 1 (one!) collab next time. If you would like to, send me a note (a note please!). I will pick anyone whos style Im able to combine with mine. Havent done a collab for some time thats why I would really like to. So go ahead! :)

7.) Buying a birthday Present for my Girlfriend. IDEAS PLEASE! :/

8.) Cleaning up the flat. :(

9.) Cleaning up my message center!

10.) Alot of other things that Im sure I forgot.

  • Mood: Questionable
  • Listening to: Meshuggah- I
  • Reading: After effects 6.5
  • Watching: memento